Somewhere between Darkness and Light

I see light in the darkest nights from the bright moon.

I see the light in glittering eyes in crowded room.

I can see the light, almost everywhere except within me. I don’t see a possibility anymore, I need to be held right now; no questioning, no arguing, just holding.  I wonder is this the reason dead are often prayed with candles. I don’t want that kind of light, nor I want spot lights or torches or anything that would let people see my skin.

I want a light that is from within. The kind of light that can decorate my soul and answer all my uninvited questions and doubts. I need the light that a girl needs to hold her together. I see different versions of myself every night, some days I feel sad and terribly lonely, while some days I feel fearless and complete, just like the moon. Some days its half and some days its a full moon.

I am desperate about meeting light, but that doesn’t mean am scared of darkness. Darkness is calm and peaceful, just like home. Darkness taught me to deal with all failures, hatred and bitterness. It is because of darkness that nothing holds me back anymore.

Now I wonder is the light only an illusion? What if am already standing on a peak of the highest mountain and trying to stand on the opaque cloud believing it to be light? What if the light is the deadline to my imagination?

Now am scared of light! I can see everything in light, but in the darkness I get to explore. It will teach you to hustle your way  towards all your fears and doubts. I may be fragile when in darkness, but I feel alive there. I would choose to sit on the shore at night and stare the ocean in awe than visiting places in the daytime.

I have come on good terms with the darkness, I don’t feel lost in it. May be I don’t need light.

May be I am the moon, that shines only in dark. 

Love 

Raneeta